Listen Mama, I Don’t Have It All Together

Maybe I look I have it all together-  Maybe you are reading this and you think to yourself, “HA HA I never thought you had it all together.”  Either way, just in case you needed to hear me, I will say it LOUDER. 

Listen Mama, I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER and let me tell you why…

Do you think you are a hot mess mom? When you go places do you look at other moms and think, “Damn, their hair is curled, their clothes are nice, they smell nice, their kids are well behaved and dressed to the nines…”  I have actually had moms tell me that I always look like I have it together. 

“You struggled with PPD/PPA? I had no idea”

“How do you have time to curl your hair?”

“Where do you shop at?”

“Your baby sleeps through the night? Why are you struggling then?”

“Your baby always looks so stylish”

“You are a stay at home mom, so you must not have to worry about money, how can you be depressed?” My internal response……..Bitch, you don’t know my life…….  Relax, I did not say that out loud. 

 Yeah, I bolded that last one because it had the greatest impact on me at the time. 

These are actual comments I received since having my baby. Sometimes, I do curl my hair and dress nicely, but maybe I did it because I was depressed? In the weeks following the birth of my son I got up every day and showered, put on makeup, and put on “nice-ish” clothes. I did that because I thought It would make people think I was OK. Then as my illness progressed and I cycled through the stages of depression, I started to look homeless and smell like whatever was spit up on me the night before. I have literally not showered for DAYS, so many days I couldn’t even remember how many. So yeah, I don’t have it together and you know what- I think that is totally fine. 

when I started to get out of the house more I would always look at new moms and wondered to myself, ” I wonder if they struggled after having a baby?” For some reason I thought looking at their hair and clothes could give me some sort of sign that they were like me. I was wrong- sizing them up only made me critique myself even more. My message here: Plenty of moms struggle and you can’t always tell by their outward appearance. I had several encounters with new moms and learned through conversations that we both had the same struggles.

I LEARNED THROUGH CONVERSATION, NOT JUDGMENT.

I would see these adorable new moms with fancy leather diaper bags, cute outfits, polished makeup, glowing skin… and here I was all sweaty, floppy, smelly, and balding…yeah I lost a lot of hair postpartum- good thing I have a lot of it 🙂 

Let me say it again and maybe you will get a giggle like I did when writing this- I was all sweaty, floppy, smelly, and balding…… Cute, huh? 

Can we talk about the hormone sweats after childbirth? What in the blue hell is that all about? I never knew I could sweat while eating pizza or tying my shoe. 

And lastly, Facebook is the goddamn devil. Can I get an amen? Facebook is the worst place to look when you are feeling like a sweaty, floppy, smelly, balding piece of garbage. Can you all just be more realistic, please? We know you aren’t always happy, Karen, get over yourself. I am guilty of this too, but I think we need to show people more than just the rainbows and butterflies..More on this later…stick with me.