motherhood

The Beauty of 2:12 AM

My child screamed out in the night. It took me a second to realize it wasn’t a dream; he rarely does this. Before I put him to bed I have a phrase that I say; “I love you, I will be in here if you need me.” Every night since 12/28/17 I have said this to him; even in my absence I have said this to him whether it be over the phone or in my heart.

He had a full belly, a clean diaper, blankey, paci, …what did he need? 

Me .

He needed me. It was my time to show him that I would be in there at the drop of the hat, and wow…. I love this job.

His legs hung down past my belly and his head didn’t quite nestle under my chin like it used to. You are big, my baby, but rocking you in the night is more beautiful than it ever has been. Your little hand clutches the curve of my shoulder and I feel your breaths.. in and out, in and out. As you calmed, your breath would stutter between whimpers. I could literally feel your entire body relax into mine…. that is the beauty of 2:12 am. 

As I leaned over to lay you down, your grip tightened around my neck, signaling me that you weren’t quite ready to leave my grasp. I smiled baby, because I get it; I won’t ever be ready for you to leave.  We sat back down in the rocking chair and I rocked you, I rocked you for as long as you needed me to. I know this season is fast and I know this season is temporary. I didn’t always know this, but I do now.

I used to drag myself out of bed to come comfort you at all hours of the night, not realizing that I would miss it. Now, these early morning wake ups are a rare treat I never knew I needed. 

The beauty of 2:12 AM is you needing me and me needing you.

Stick with me

xoxo,

Katie

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