mental health, motherhood

Motherhood Is Weird

I blinked.

I have a one-year-old. The days were oh so long, but the year was short. I always rolled my eyes when people would say “time flies.”  Let me tell you, time flies. I felt cheated out of the glorious, Pinterest worthy postpartum period. I didn’t have that. I had struggles, therapy appointments, panic attacks, dosing trials, and fear. Wait a minute.………. I also cried happy tears when I heard the babble, “mama”.  I jumped for joy when my baby took his first steps. I took videos of his baptism; I took videos of rolling over and eating solids for the first time. My phone memory is bursting at the seams with beautiful pictures of my son.  Was I cheated in those initial months?  I believe I was.  BUT- If I could erase the emotional struggles, I don’t think I would, because but the beautiful journey leads us to this day. Take a ride with me.

Sure If I could get a few DO-OVERS, I would take them in a heartbeat. Were there times when I was miserable, YEP. This is exactly why,

Motherhood is weird.

motherhood is wishing they would go to sleep and then looking at pictures of them and crying because you miss them when they sleep.

Motherhood is wanting desperately to follow all the rules but breaking them from time to time to keep your sanity. I want to breastfeed, but I couldn’t. I want to follow safe sleep guidelines, but I also want to soothe him and cuddle him in my bed. I want to make my own, organic baby food, but I also want and sometimes need the convenience of the Gerber ready-made meals and fruit pouches.

Motherhood is desperately wanting a little peace and quiet but enjoying a house full of laughter and baby squeals.

Motherhood is playing with your baby one day and then laying on the couch the next day.

Motherhood is being stern to set guidelines for your child but feeling incredibly guilty when the tears stream down their chubby little cheeks.

Motherhood is apologizing endlessly for not being better or as good as you think you should be. Motherhood is loving your cub fiercely with the willingness to go to hell and back for them.

Motherhood is needing the village, but not being afraid to piss off that village in order to do what’s best.

I could go on with a million and one comparisons that make motherhood feel like the biggest contradiction in history.

Motherhood is weird.

MOtherhood is messy, wonderful, terrifying, and the best gift of my life.

Stick with me

xoxo,

Katie

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